Questionable Love

You did it: finally going out of your comfort zone. Lowering your guard. The rain from Aphrodite appeared, showering your desolate heart. Your love drought ending. Out comes the sun and warms your soul. Floating on clouds of heart fulling proportions. Smiling more because gone went the loneliness. Now the fields of your dormant love grow. Rejuvenated. Ready to continue the journey of becoming the spouse you always dreamed of. Pleasant they are. Endlessly affectionate. Their existence now consumes you and no one else seems to compare. Your all: you said you’d give your all. Never wanting to return to sleepless nights in solitude projecting frightful animations. Replaying the moments you heard that your all never can amount to anything. Worthless you were. Priceless you thought. That moment you realized that the sky can fall. That’s all in the past though. New beacons of hope. Whispers now heard that you’re truly beautiful. Inside and out. Or so you thought. You thought you were giving your all: Buying gifts just because. Consumption now turning into doubt. Remember words are worthless, no matter how much you want them to have value. Love: I love you. They love you. Until that love becomes questionable. Questioning you about your intentions. Too good to be true so you must be an alien. Beamed down to distort reality. Dreamwalking into their slumber and infecting them with wonder. Why are you here and where did you come from? It’s the seemingly endless cycle. Back to where you never wanted to revisit. Questionable love: you’re simply not good enough. You’re the problem. The scandal. The entity in which is only sustained with broken hearts and anguish. Everything you do, everything you say, ultimately should be saved. Your words and actions couldn’t possibly mean anything because you’re questionable. So what do you do? Chase after the very thing that doubts you? The very thing that gives back your gifts of thoughtfulness and gratitude. The individual that wants you to communicate but tells you that you have an attitude? Why bother if all you are is questionable? Why bother: because you love them. Despite it all, reassurance is required but maybe lonely nights and desolate fields of your heart should be restored. Your love after all can’t be questionable, if you have no love to give anymore.

  • Alex N. Wanderland