Spectrum

Maybe I was beamed down. Or up. Somewhere. Those are Statements. No longer questions, as I’ve lived the life of continuous emancipation. Bruised. Scarred. Slightly more ruthless in reacting at attempts to devalue my self-worth. Attempts to soften my voice and demeanor as if I don’t have the right to exist just as you do. Like who are YOU? Dust at the end of the day. Your brain will decompose with the rest of your body. Riches will be recycled like your energy and the last breath you breathe. Yet here YOU are: antagonizing me in reference to my difference. Let’s NOT negate the fact that I’ve done nothing other but mind my own business. Done nothing other but try to figure out why I am who I am. Why I’m different and why such a difference makes others so bothered to the point that they wish to inflict physical harm on me. So misplaced in this space known as Earth that one considers overdosing on their parents medication or falling off the roof top or slitting their wrists and hand or hanging from the ceiling of the room that houses so much silent hurt and endless nights of tear-fall. What’s even worse is that it’s not even just the heterosexual people. The homosexuals are guilty too. They antagonize and discriminate against others JUST as different or more than them, all because of (oddly) outdated heteronormative gender roles. It’s really rather fascinating: seeing a gay man who likes penis tell another gay man how he should be more manly. How he shouldn’t do this or act like that. I suppose the oppressed can be oppressors just as well as angels can become devils. I feel that it’s not wrong that you oppose the difference but that you degrade, demoralize, and push to the brink of self-termination people who (majority of the time) have done nothing to you and that you know nothing personal about. No first name. No favorite color. Yet the very thought of them being different in the aspect of sexual attraction/orientation or physical presentation, rather defined or explorative, cause such rage. WHY? Why do the oppressed cause oppression? Is simply existing and worrying about your own such a farfetched complicated concept? Am I at fault for presenting myself unapologetically and authetically? Should I just conceal myself to get along and spare myself the torment of a never ending battle from the opposition? FUCK NO and FUCK YOU! YOU meaning the people that have ever called that effeminate male a faggot. For all the parents who disown their children for being homosexual and/or trangendered. To all the gay men who put outlandish requirements they themselves can’t amount to on their profiles. To the individuals that partake in “NO FATS/NO FEMS” when their ass is twerking behind closed doors to Beyoncé. To all the people who are quite vexingly involved in other peoples lives when your own home is in shambles. This is for all the people who struggled to love themselves (and still struggle) due to constantly being told that they are unlovable: ABOMINATIONS. SIN. Menace to society. Never meant to amount to anything. This is for emancipating yourself and being authetic in your presentation while minding your own damn business. For those who have indentified that the world we collectively inhabit is filled with many multifaceted, different beings and there is enough space for us all to exist with aforementioned differences. You’re entitled to believe in whatever you so chose. You are however a fucked up person when you try to use what you believe in to negatively dismantle the spirit of those who, majority of the time, are already battered. Being different to whatever capacity is not what is wrong with the world. People who go around spewing hate, destroying others for no warranted reason: THAT is what is wrong with the world. The more saddening thing is that it seems as the days go on, more people try to limit the spectrum of the world and coexistence has less room to grow. Be the person of the world you would ultimately want to live in.

  • Alex N. Wanderland