The Power of No

Sometimes, we can get so hypnotized by someone else’s world, that we fail to have a vision of what is fiction. We unknowingly become enablers all due to good intentions and empathy for the tribulations our fellow man, friends, and family may be experiencing. Overstretching ourselves only to be exasperated and kicking yourself later. Why is it that we feel bad for saying “no” to someone we may or may not care about? Why do we experience the feeling of shame when we lack the ability to help someone that is in need? I personally do not have the answers. Possibly Google, but I will say that there should be no reason to feel such ways.

Everyone has their own journey. Rather mine is or is not in a place that “exceeds” another, does not negate my individual capabilities. I was always taught to be independent, strong, reliable, among various other things. Yet it is those very qualities that gives people quite the misconception that I should be their everything. To sum it up: we, as humans, often times feel entitled to things that we, frankly, are not entitled to. I’m sure we’re all guilty of it to some extent. Rather it’s “hating” your favorite celebrity for being so private about their life, getting vexed as to why people can’t just tell you they are not interested on dating apps versus ghosting, or expecting your family to always be there because they are family.

We, sometimes forget the humanity of others. We often fail to stop to ponder what another person has gone through or may be currently experiencing. Additionally, we often expect too much of others that we shouldn’t. Conversely, we often over-extend ourselves with the expectation that others will do the same. We, often forget that it is not our job to be everything to everyone. It’s okay to be in a place that doesn’t enable you to be the Superman or Wonder Woman of the world around you. We are accountable for ourselves at the end of the day.

I’m obviously not saying become and/or be a “mean” person. I’m merely saying you always have to make sure you are in a place that is comfortable first. It’s okay to not place others before and/or above you. If you’re unhappy, why would you be going through hell and high water to make others happy? If you’re financially unstable with “bad” credit, why would you keep loaning money just because you may happen to have a couple extra dollars? If you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, why would you allow others so much power on how your emotions are affected?

I’ve learned throughout all the struggles in my life, that it was ALWAYS up to me to pick up the pieces. Some people do have individuals that will save them when they need to and others, not so much. It’s important to put yourself in the priority seat because others, rarely will. Particularly if you’re an individual who may not have individuals with the capabilities to “bail you out” in sticky situations. It’s also okay to tell others “no” particularly if you notice behaviors that seem to always bring upon the need for assistance from you. It’s okay to struggle and acknowledge your struggle(s) and you do not have to feel shameful and/or guilty if you can’t help others pick up the pieces of their world. Help when you can. Always be kind but also always remember, it’s not your job to be everything to everyone. You’re human just like everyone else. You can only stretch so far and it’s more than okay to be mindful of your overall health and happiness.

 

  • Alex N Wanderland