The Death of Holding On

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn, and I’m still learning, is to let go of anger caused by others for whatever reason, if there was even a reason to begin with. Often times, many individuals fail to see how they may have wronged you, particularly the ones most close to us. Personally for me, I’ve found this is because I’ve allowed others to do so. I would secretly in my soul hold so much malice and resentment at the negative ways people would treat me until I looked in the mirror and really self-evaluated various aspects of my life.

I was just in the wrong as others for not allowing internal voices to become external projections of disappointment, worthlessness, vulnerability, and self-preservation. Insecurities enabled me to silence myself when deep down, I knew I should be more vocal. I always feared of saying things the wrong way, upsetting others, or ending relationships with people I, overall, did not want to end. However, when you do a disservice to yourself, you’re allowing others the opportunity to do such things to you.

Overtime, you’ll become depleted from continuously trying to please others. When I speak of pleasing others, I do not particularly say that in a subservient kind of way, but from a subconscious standpoint. From our early years, some of us experienced psychological inception: do unto others in which you wish to be done to you. Most of the times that applies not only when others do not ask you to do so, but  even when we don’t experience the same in return. I wholeheartedly agree that one should always practice general kindness and respect for others in the world around them, however the issues transpire when individuals do not understand the definition of reciprocity. There is a difference between doing unto others what you wish to absorb in return: good energy, mutual respect, etc, and allowing others to deplete all of which you worked so tirelessly to create and maintain.

This is not for the people who understand that everyone has their own life and issues and do not overextend themselves into your reserve and deplete all of which you have. It is not for individuals who truly wish for your success and celebrate all of the “minor” triumphants you have. This if for those who always come to you with their problems, always seeking money not to survive but to enjoy life on your dime, never allow you to express your inner desires in a safe space: either voice your concerns in attempts to have desired corrective actions or let the toxicity go before death becomes you. No matter how much you love someone and believe they love you, one can not be so careless with themselves. You are all you have. You only receive one life. Don’t allow others to plant seeds in you that you allow to slowly grow into some abonimation. Take the positivity from the past and leave the negative as fragments that are too exhausting to try to piece together. Be more vigilant in the protection of your being. Let go and evolve, because that’s what you deserve: happiness.

 

  • Alex N. Wanderland