“I’ve been attracted to black dudes ever since I was little, when I first had an innocent crush on my uncle that was black. 33 years on this planet and it wasn’t until I got to Pittsburgh (PGH) that you guys complain about people being attracted to you. The Town seriously blows.”

This is a quote from a message thread that was shared with me by an individual I know, “Trent,” who happen’s to identify as a black gay male, such as myself. To add further context, the individual, who’s profile name was “Hung4Hung,” who wrote such a statement to “Trent,” happens to identify as a cis-gender white gay male. The statement was made in response to what was mentioned on Trent’s profile in regard to the notorious, sometimes disgusting, “dating app” culture that has somehow manifested into this anonymous, sex based, extension of technology we know today.

The conversation between “Hung4Hung” and “Trent” certainly got quite heated. No surprise. In the climate that we live in today, I, and others I’m sure, are constantly reminded that our very existence is somehow a “gift” from other individuals that not only look nothing like us (Black), but chances are, know little to nothing about being a black gay male in the world we live in today. I’m not even totally displeased with that. What I do have an issue with, is individuals discrediting others prospectives regarding a life that they live.

To add further insight, the acronym BBC, in this context, stands for “Big Black Cock.” Historically and predominantly to this day, black men do not use such a term. Its predominantly used by white gay men and of course in porn. I personally have no issue with interracial interactions of any kind, but I do expect there to be some basic mutual respect. A lot of issues in our society could be avoided with merely taking the a short amount of time to understand perspectives that are outside of your own.

You may be a white gay male, or white individual in general, who may have happened to have a sexual encounter with a Black and/or other person of color, and there was no issue with the usage of words such as “cock” or playing roles such as “master” and “slave.” However, not everyone is like that. We all know this but fail to apply this knowledge at the most crucial times. With this knowledge, one would be wise to interact with others as they exactly are: a totally different individual from those in which you’ve previously encountered.

To discredit and basically call someone’s emotions a “complaint,” in this context, just goes to show why there are some black men who do not desire to interact with men outside of their race, particularly cis-gender gay white men, solely on the grounds of white privilege. It was almost as “Hung4Hung” was saying, “well I’ve asked other black men about their big black dicks before and they seemed to love it so I don’t know why you black men in this town are complaining.” Not wanting to be and/or feel fetishized, is not a complaint. Not wanting to be reminded that your ancestors were raped solely on their features, is not a complaint. Wanting to be treated like a human, is not a complaint. Wanting to be treated with respect, is not a complaint. Wishing to be understood, is not a complaint.

I, will not apologize for the lack of cultural knowledge some individuals in the world have. It’s not my fault you only wish to express enough interest in other cultures solely for sexual satisfaction, versus actually understanding from a minimal scale, the constant injustices they, or their culture, may experience on a DAILY basis. So, if you’re a white gay male, think before you use the acronym “BBC” again. Also remember, that most of the time, it’s not what you say, but how you say things and the context in which you say them.  Furthermore, you could avoid a lot of friction and drama with people if you actually took a moment to get to know minimal information about them, versus just sending your nudes to everyone in town.


  • Alex N. Wanderland